How important is it for you to be right?
Really feel this question for a moment.
I’ve had people say to me, “Patty, would you rather be happy or right?” I smile, because I see through this type of question in that it can lead one to compare, “Is one better than the other?” Usually it is some well meaning friend who believes in the importance of happiness as the ultimate goal, over being right. I can’t really say for sure that it is better to be happy, or it is better to be right. Sometimes I am really happy when I’m right! What I also start to realize, is why the need to throw the happiness factor in when having a discussion about being right in the first place, and why make an it an ultimatum? Happy or right?
I’d like to revert back to my original question: How important is it for you to be right?
I’m not here to judge the importance you place on being right, but I am here to bring some awareness around it, in case you were wondering. I am also not here to stress the importance of being happy, so I just want to clarify that. If it is very important for you to be right, then it is fair for me to ask, “How important is it for you to prove the other person is wrong?” Again, I am not here to judge whether it is extremely important or not important at all. I am asking the questions just to bring more awareness around the subject of being right and wrong. I’ve had so many of my own insights over the last few weeks on this very matter.
So have you given my questions some thought? Are you aware of the importance you place on being right? No wrong answers, and no pun intended.
Here is what I have come to know in regards to the subject of being right. I pay attention to how I feel, and what is happening each and every time I engage with someone. I pay attention to my emotions and my body. Am i thrilled when we are talking or am I slightly irritated? Does my head begin to ache, my shoulders tighten, or my stomach get in a knot? Am I willing to listen, or do I need to do all the talking. How do I feel if they need to do all the talking and won’t listen to me? As I become more aware of what IS going on and how I feel about it ( emotionally and physically) I can get a more clear indication of just how important it is for me and how important it is for the other person to be right. From this awareness comes more clarity.
Have you ever had conversations with someone and debated a point for what seemed like forever? Have you ever been completely irritated when someone just did not “get” your point of view? How long have you been willing to engage in a conversation like this? Lastly, in the end when the person refused to see you side of it, and stuck to their’s, how did it make you feel?
If your answer to the last question is anywhere near, ” I think the other person should have been more open minded and willing, or I think the other person is a total jerk!” I will simply say, thanks for telling me what you “think” but I am more interested in the feelings/emotions behind this.
Let me tell you mine. When I have had such conversations, and I have had them recently, I became so aware of my growing irritation and annoyance with the other person. I felt angry too, as I wanted to prove myself to no avail. When someone did not “get’ me I began to get a headache, and when I was done talking with them I was tired and annoyed. Sound at all familiar?
Yes, I needed to be right! It would have made me so damn happy and felt so good. What I have discovered is behind my need to be right is my own insecurity. It is a fear and a feeling of not being smart enough or good enough in that moment. It is a fear of what that other person thinks of me. Maybe they are judging me? Logically I know I am smart and good enough. I am a confident woman, and yet these other layers do exist. As I discovered all of these layers about myself and as I have accepted them one by one as they surface, and told my body these emotions are OK, but I chose not to be governed by them anymore it has been so freeing for me. As a result, I can release more and more the importance I place on being right.
Being right can feel wonderful, but the minute I feel any irritation surface, I know it is no longer about being right, it is about my own fear of being wrong.