What Would People Remember About You?

When it comes to the past, it can be funny what people remember about you, and what you remember about yourself. Even funnier if you happen to meet years later and share stories…

There he was on a very crowded dance floor standing a few feet away from me. There was a moment of familiarity when my eyes met his, followed by a long stare. Suddenly I found myself leaning toward him and blurting, “ Is your name Robert?”

“ Yeah,” he smiled.

“I think I know you,” I continued. It’s a bit funny to say this at a bar, it sounds like a pick up line, but his last name was on the tip of my tongue. “ I’m sure that I know you, what’s your last name?”

He smiled and told me, but it was obvious he wasn’t recognizing me until I told him my name and he blurted out an “ Oh my God, it’s you!”

I had gone to see high school friends of mine who play in a band, so it was no surprise that many people I had gone to high school with were there too. It was like a mini HS reunion all night long, but I had NOT gone to high school with this guy, I knew him in the sixth grade!

My girlfriend and I  joined him at his table to share a chat and a beer. He began to share how people were coming up to him all night and remembering things he had said or done back in the day. He laughed and had no recollection about much of it.

“ But Patty I do remember something so clearly about you!” he turned to my friend and me and said with this sly grin. “ In fact, it’s really funny, I’ll never forget it!”

Remembering Robert, the boy who spit paper bits through a straw into my hair in sixth grade and poured vinegar in our teachers plant, I couldn’t help but wonder, What the heck did he remember that was so funny about me?”

And so his story began.

Patty was never late to come to class, ever. But this day she must have been late because I was there sitting at my desk and she was the last to walk in the door after our lunch recess. It was winter time so she was taking off her coat as she walked in the door, and there must have been static cling to her dress because when she took her coat off her dress was hiked up showing her underwear! There she was in front of class showing her underwear, Strawberry Shortcake with a big blue bow.We all laughed so hard! I may have forgotten alot of things, but THAT I remember clearly about Patty!


Of course, I had completely forgotten this incident.

I couldn’t help but laugh as he poked, “Patty come on, don’t you remember?”

“I’ll take your word,” I wore Strawberry Shortcake underwear with a blue bow in sixth grade, and I am sure you laughed!  We clinked our glasses and said, “Cheers to that!”

Later on I got to thinking. No doubt back then that incident mortified me, and I probably fretted about it for days. I probably cried or didn’t want to face a classroom who laughed at me. I can picture myself telling my mother  that day at school was the worst day of my life!

Years later, I’ve forgotten all about it. It became a funny story shared with a friend.
Isn’t it funny how what can seem so horrible one day, can be completely let go of and forgotten? It often is, and back on that winter day in the sixth grade I’m certain my mother told me that one day I would forget all about it. I probably did not believe her.

She was right. What can feel so awful in one moment can absolutley change. It just may take a little time and trust. I’m sure we’ve all been told this very thing at one point in our lives, and I’m certain too that we probably did not believe it.

This blog is just another reminder. Change is constant.

PS, I just had to google Strawberry Shortcake characters. They weren’t invented until the 1980′s, so Robert’s memory embellished a little, although I  will admit I do have an affinity for pretty blue bows. Maybe they were Bugs Bunny.

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It’s Time For A Personal Revolution

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen
inside first.”

~jim morrison                                                                       

 

My Personal Revolution

You say you want a revolution?
The Beatles sang about this well
If we are going to talk about our evolution
I’ve got my own story to tell

Within pieces of me
perhaps you will see a piece of the world
or perhaps a slice of you?
After all,  doesn’t the equation say
that the parts make up the whole?

Peace on earth, good will towards men
Joy, Love, and  personal Freedom
It’s a lovely idea, but then again
Where the hell do we begin?

I’ve thought about the most logical starting point.

Old beliefs have me thinking, The solution can’t be this easy!
Here we go again,  I sense my old bullshit rolling in!
I stop. Breathe.
Anything is possible.

But I’ve learned to be conditioned.
Did what was expected
Felt not good enough, or what I did was wrong.
Judged others and myself
Replayed experiences like a top 40 song

Ached  for change.

Isn’t it strange
how the answer has been right under my nose?
Take off my clothes, and the pretense
I’m the girl who dances naked at this masquerade!
This is my personal revolution toward the evolution of man
(and of woman)
Showing myself more love, less blame
There is so much freedom in less shame!
Take me as I am, I’ll do the same…

Peace on earth, good will toward men
It know it CAN begin with me.
Oh how clearly this I see.

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Communication Breakdown: Did We Really Just Have That Same Argument?

This is the first in a series of blogs about relationships and communication:
Did I Really Just Have That Same Argument?

Did we really just have THAT argument again? You know the one. It starts out over something stupid and then it escalates.

We exchange sarcastic remarks. Then we share reminders of something we said or did last week or last month. Now the fight becomes about that! The two of us are being defensive as well as accusing with each other, and I can feel the heat in my face and belly rising. A few hits below the belt later and we are both feeling completely frustrated with the other person, and both of us are thinking, “ I just need to get away from you!”

I’m the cryer. I do that when I get completely aggravated, and it does give me some relief in the moment, sort of. But I have found that when it comes to being in the middle of an argument, crying becomes a scapegoat, a reason to argue even more, until one of us walks off. ( in a huff) “ I just need to get away from you!”

And so we would. Get away from each other that is. Then the complaining would begin. You know the drill, you call that friend or group of friends and you tell them all about it. They sympathize with you and remark,  “what a $!%  jerk!” “ What a bitch!” “ You deserve better!”

I’ve had countless beers, glasses of wine, and margarittas with friends and done exactly this. We’d talk about our similar arguments with no real resolution. No matter what the fight was over, we always summed it up with this common phrase. It almost became a mantra.

Why can’t he/ she just get it????????

Good question. Why can’t they?? Get it, that is. You could say I’ve been on my own personal quest to discover an answer to that very question for many years now.

Communication breakdown? Yes, that is certainly part of it, but with these oh so familiar arguments there is so much more going on.

It’s typical to need to get away from the other person, it’s easy to walk away.

But here’s the thing.

You can always get away from the other person, but you can never get away from yourself.

I’ve come to know this over the last several years. I’ve needed to get away from people only to have a new and exact same type of person walk into my life, and reflecting back, we had the very same types of arguments. It has helped me to recognize such a pattern. The mere recognizing of this has been a great step toward living my life more how I want, because the more I make my life about me and not someone else, the more power I have.

Which brings me back to the original quest of “ Why can’t they get it??” It is so easy to fall back on these words when a disagreement occurs. It can be so easy to call a friend, and complain, “ Why the hell can’t they just get it??”

But here’s the thing.

My own personal journey has lead me to know this: Why can’t they get it? is a futile question. Wishing they would just get it only makes me sad or angry. Wondering and focusing about them and why they don’t get it takes away my own power because this is  about controlling someone else, and I know I can’t control another. Asking, Why can’t they get it? is a waste of my time.

I am still free to ask this question, but the biggest freedom and inner peace I have given myself is to let go of more and more the need to know, Why can’t they get it?

When I feel myself starting to play these words in my head, I remind myself what a waste of time going there is. I can certainly think of more fun and stimulating discussions to have with my friends then to go on and on about Why they can’t get it!

Most important.

When I take the focus off them, I put the focus on me. Focusing on myself is where my power is, and it is a necessary step that has enabled me to grow, to learn, and to create change.

I’m not here to write a blog about them, but I will share all the things I didn’t get. It has been my discovery of these things that has made all the difference.

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