After viewing my “You Are Enough” video, a friend questioned why I had made it.
Repeating my own words back to me he probed, “You say you lost your self confidence? Really?” The very tone of his question sparked me to reflect further on the subject.
I lost my self confidence? Where did it go? Is it outside of me hiding somewhere under a rock? How the hell do I find it?
I really thought about the essence of what it is to feel something is “lost” There is a certain fragility to this. Confidence becomes fleeting, not constant. You have it, you lose it, you don’t have it at all. You want to get it back. Maybe you’ll never find it.
It can be easy to tell yourself, “Maybe I never had confidence at all!”
If you find yourself questioning your confidence, consider this:
Once upon a time when you were a tiny baby you crawled around on your hands and knees. One day you had the confidence to try to stand. This was within you! One day you had the confidence to take a step. You didn’t care if you cracked your head open on the coffee table either. One day you walked!
You didn’t have to take a class to find your confidence. You couldn’t even read! Confidence has always been within you.
So what happens? I thought about this in regards to my own life, and I realized that somewhere along the line:
- Someone disapproved of me
- Someone made fun of what I was wearing
- Someone made a comment about my appearance
- Someone rejected me
- Someone told me I wasn’t smart enough
- Someone told me my writing wasn’t that great
I think you get the picture here. Somehow our life experiences can make us believe we are not good enough! Life experiences make us believe we need to be more.
Remember though that once upon a time , you were damn proud of yourself for not pooping in your diaper! So was I!
The bulleted list above are some of the bullshit reasons I attach to “losing my confidence” when really what was going on was that these incidences simply triggered my insecurity.
Insecurity is the polarity of confidence. It exists in all of us too, and it is not wrong or bad.
As I accept my insecurity and do not judge it, I can release more of it. My insecurity does not have power over my confidence, neither do the people who trigger that insecurity.
Recognizing and accepting the polarities that exist within me has been so empowering.
It makes me come to see that I never really ever lost my confidence. I just chose to bring out my insecurity more.
And so now my choice is to let my confidence shine!
I do know how attractive, strong, charming, witty, and dynamic of a woman and a human being I am. And I am not afraid to say this out loud!
Somewhere along the line, we’ve all been judged for being “too confident” or for tooting our own horns…. Isn’t that funny? That’s a subject for another blog.