The Beauty and Freedom of Losing Control

Posted on July 29, 2011 by Patty Sherry

Set It Free…and it will come back to you transformed.

The it I’m referring to is control, the need to control people and situations. It’s also that need to control myself and my emotions that might not feel so good.

Set your emotions and control free and you live more freely? Yes exactly. I’m working on this.

A willingness to lose a certain sense of control is needed to set anything free. Within freedom there really can be no control. Controlling things, however, keeps me in my confort zone, or at least I like to think so.

Are you willing to let go of control? I agree, it is stepping out of the comfort zone. Jumping from the cliff, and possbily landing hard!

Let today be the day. Set it free.

Set free your FEAR. Need to control. Doubt. Trust. Vulnerability. Love.
When you set it free, it will come back to you….transformed.

If I ignore these emotions I feel or try to fight them it is like they are caged within me, like a butterfly in a bottle. They flutter around. I can feel them affecting me, affecting my life, and yet nothing changes.

When I accept my emotions ( fear, doubt, trust, vulnerability, love) I litterly set them free and they can come back to me changed, they are free to grow into something new. I am too. So are you.

Doing so my life begins to change.

Letting go of my need to control is such a part of the process.

Seeing through the illusion that my need to control does not bring me more joy or love, but rather it cages me is an important awareness. It’s a step toward change and toward freedom.

Ingrained within me however, is a certain need to control, I am aware of this. When even the thought of letting go of control surfaces, I do feel that FEAR. So I keep reminding myself… that each time that I simply surrender my control anyway…I do feel that breath of freedom.

It is as if I have been held under the water and suddenly I am rising to the top again.

I like to think of my emotions and my need to control like butterflies. Sometimes they may seem more like caterpillars, and I can’t see the true beauty in them. It is when I set them free to fly, that I see their brilliance and beauty.

It has truly helped me to let go of needing to control what others think of me or what they think about the emotions I show. It’s freeing not to worry if people agree, disagree, judge,feel love, feel hate, or if they smile with or at me.

I love myself enough to know I am enough, regardless. I remind myself to keep on surrendering.

I haven’t thrown those oars into the water completely, but I am sure having a hell of a good time raising my arms in the air and going where that river flows…

Patty Sherry is a writer, inspirational speaker, and self empowerment coach and therapist. For more information please visit my website ShareYourLoveStory.com.

Jumping Through Hoops? You Hold The Hoop You Jump Through

Posted on July 28, 2011 by Patty Sherry

No one makes you jump through hoops in life, you hold the hoop you jump through.

Put down the hoop and watch how your life changes! It’s a step out of the comfort zone.

Scary? Could be. Freeing? Definitely.

But how often do you catch yourself saying, “They are really making me jump through hoops!” or

“ I feel like I have to jump through hoops with so and so”

Hoop jumping: can exist in love relationships, with your family, and even at work. It’s so easy to give them such power over your hoop.

I’ve jumped through my fair share of hoops with people, or at least I felt like I had to. I’ve been afraid of saying the wrong thing, taking the wrong action, upsetting the apple cart. So I wouldn’t, and I stayed in the comfort zone.

But when I reflect deeper, that comfort zone really wasn’t all that comfortable for me, not if I felt like I had to bite my tongue, keep the peace, or make sure all those damn apples stayed in place!

Remaining in the comfort zone took work!

The comfort zone is often like a cage. This was a FB status that sparked me.

Your comfort zone is an invisible cage that you put yourself in…. why not dare to open that door and fly!

Or put down that hoop.

I’ve come to realize that the only thing that creates that hoop is FEAR. I’ve been afraid of losing something or someone. The only reason I am willing to jump has been because of my FEAR. There comes a time however, when I simply must let go.

Amazing but as I let go of my fear that silly hoop disappears. Life does change! This has nothing to do with them.

Sometimes however, we all have to dare to step out of the cage, scary as that may be, and put the hoop down.

Let those apples fall where they may!

Jealous? Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful…

Posted on July 25, 2011 by Patty Sherry

Jealous? Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

…Or because I’m smart, funny, successful, wealthy, have a different body than yours, have nice clothes, drive a nice car, love my job, I go on vaction, I’m in a loving relationship, I’m dating your ex, I’m enjoying my life, I’m happy…

There are so many random reasons to be jealous of someone. But…

Jealousy kills any relationship.

Mostly it kills the relationship you have with yourself.

Let’s get real, we all get jealous from time to time though.

I’m not beyond having that “ping” in my stomach. It feels a bit scary and vulnerable for me to admit such a thing, because even I have judged my own jealousy. For me, it’s more important what I do with this awareness. Because it is a CHOICE to let my jealousy govern me. It is also a choice what I do when I recognize other’s jealousy of me.

Jealousy is simply a part of my human-ness. It’s a part of YOUR human-ness too. It isn’t a wrong or bad emotion, but it can affect my choices. It can affect how I act toward others and how others can act toward me. We say things, we do things, we want to control things….

I’ve had girlfriends end friendships with me over jealousy. It really made me sad and confused at the time. I’ve had people judge me or assume things about me because they were jealous of me for one reason or another. Many of those assumptions felt hurtful to me or made me angry at the time.
Then I realized the jealousy was about THEM, not me. I stopped taking their jealousy personally. This was freeing for me!

Jealousy is really an inside thing. The more I accepted my own jealousy when I was aware of it, the more I was able to get in touch with, heal, and raise up my own self worth. Because when it comes down to it, it was my self worth that felt so threatened.

We call jealousy the green eyed monster. We deny, rather than admit our jealousy. Why?

My only guess is that because down inside we know that admitting jealousy of another is really admitting the fact that we feel less than them. Staying in jealousy allows us to really stay in blame of another, rather than to look inside. They have more, it’s not fair! Sometimes looking inside can be painful.

Accepting jealousy helps you let go of the pain of denying it though, if you choose to do so.

It really does come down to choice.

Jealousy. It can be a tool for your own awareness or your own denial. As always the choice is yours.

Patty Sherry is an inspirational speaker, writer, and self empowerment coach. She offers private sessions as well as group workshops and seminars. For more information you can visit my website ShareYourLoveStory.com

Don’t Lose Your Laughter

Posted on July 24, 2011 by Patty Sherry

Don’t Lose Your Laughter….even when you cry.

I recently took part in a humorist speech contest for the Toastmasters group I belong to. In my speech I shared some things about my childhood and my life today, that well….I found funny.

I reflected on things my dad used to say to me to growing up, and insights I have about some of my relationships. I can laugh about such things now.

But the truth is…they aren’t “ha ha” funny and ha ha was the purpose of the humorist speech.

Awareness of this fact filled me as I delivered my humorist speech; I just said to myself with resolve, “ What the hell… keep going!” My audience was listening to my sadly unfunny story.

I didn’t win the contest. No surprise! Somehow NOT being funny when attempting to be funny…seems even more funny to me now! I think giving a speech about that could be a really fun one!

Laughing about it later over margaritas with my my girlfriend was fun, and as we talked about it, our discusssion brought me insights too.

This really has nothing to do with winning or losing a humorist speech contest, or in my ability to be funny or not. Laughter, I realized, is important in my life, and the speech became a catalyst for my increased awareness about this.

Dont lose your laughter!

There are parts of my life that have been very painful for me: childhood experiences, deaths, relationships, failures. I believe we all have our bag full of these more serious and emotional experiences.
There are also those everyday mishaps, annoyances, and things gone awry. We all have our fill of those too.

At a certain point in time, somehow I have been able to find laughter in both the serious and the not so serious experiences.

I think that is why I resonate so much with comedians like George Carlin and TV shows like Seinfeld. They have an ability to find humor in things in life that are not necessarily ha ha funny.

It’s a quality I like to have in myself. I like to feel the physical pleasure and joy that a good laugh can bring. I like to feel that release! I especially try to be willing to have a good laugh at myself.

This takes the pressure off of me needing to be so serious. This does make what can be complicated at times, a little easier for me.

And a little more ease my friends, sure feels good anytime.

Patty Sherry is an inspirational speaker, and a self empowerment coach and therapist. She owns a self empowerment business located in Bergen County, NJ and is available for private sessions, workshops, and seminars. For more info you can go to my website.