I surrender and embrace that I am powerless. I have NO power. Fighting my lack of power doesn’t change the fact.
I’m sitting in the darkness of my room, the electricity is completely down; it’s the aftermath of Hurricane Irene here in New Jersey….not much to do but ponder.
So, I ponder about POWER.
I ponder about that power we all seem to want in our lives. Wanting to feel more powerful…we read books, go to seminars, and listen to recordings so that we can discover out power, take back our power,feel more empowered.
And feel more in control..
It’s easy to connect or should I say confuse the word power with control. I recognize the natural desire in me to be in control of situations and even of people at times. There is a natural instict that wants to manipulate. I’m aware of how powerless I feel when people don’t act or treat me the way I want them to. It frustrates me when situations don’t turn out as I expect them to.
Like right now, I want to be in control of this damn weather! We are in the middle of a hurricane.
I feel a lack of control when I have no power; I’m vulnerable. Yet, isn’t it funny how you can also feel vulnerable when you do have power? You feel vulnerable that you will lose your power one day. So what do you do? You try to hold onto it.
I’ve tried to hold onto power, and holding onto power can be hard work, not to mention futile. Power is not a tangible thing, it’s a fleeting feeling.
As I literally sit in the dark, all I want is my power. I want to turn on a light, plug in my computer, and connect with the world. It feels so frustrating. I can’t help but laugh at this metaphor of darkness.
I realize how in the dark I really am.
Or maybe I should say I can’t see the light of my own situation. I know if I dig a little deeper I’ll feel this answer. I feel I am in the dark about my own power. I hear my own voice whisper, “Open your eyes a little wider Patty.”
Maybe the very need for power is what has me not feeling so good? Maybe I seek empowerment because I resist being power-less? I resist feeling vulnerable, I resist the lack of control, I resist the unknown.
I admit I am afraid of the unknown. I admit I am afraid to let go of control. This fear is what draws me to seek more power and to want to hold onto it. Power is my security blanket. It’s as if being power-less is the wrong state to be in.
These sudden insights resonate with my body.
In this moment I AM powerless though. My house has no electricity and I have no idea when it will be turned on. This is what is!
I decide for now to just go with the flow, or should I say “the lack of flow” of power; I say it out loud, “ I accept”. I feel a strange sense of peace as I decide to just lay down in my bed, retire for the night, and surrender. Tomorrow is a new day!
At 3am I wake up to the blaring light of my hallway, I’d left that switch on. The electricity has been restored and I’m feeling quite over joyed in the moment.
I have my power!
I’m so excited, and I want to post all about my power and insights on FB. I’ve got the status all prepared:
It is when you embrace your powerlessness that you feel the true freedom of your own power!
As I am about to hit “Post” boom! the power goes out once again. It will stay down for several hours.
As the power goes off again, it takes me a moment for me to get the significance…Walk the walk, Patty, don’t just talk the talk.
I hear the little voice in my head.
It’s so true. Feeling the true freedom of your own power comes when you are willing to embrace and accept the opposite.
As I do this, I can let go of the ”seeking” and simply let it flow.
It’s to come to see that being power-less, letting go of control, not knowing the future is not wrong or bad. It is all how I perceive this moment.
All I really have is this moment, now.
Patty Sherry is an inspirational speaker, writer, and self empowerment coach. For more information please visit my website www.ShareYourLoveStory.com