Love: Are You Caught Up In It?

Posted on February 27, 2012 by Patty Sherry

Many of my life insights can happen at the weirdest times and places;
like when I’m stopped at a traffic light. Yesterday while sitting at a particularly long red light I noticed someone releasing half a dozen silver heart balloons up into the sky.

The silver heart balloons caught my eye as they quickly bobbed and darted sideways and upwards into the sky. The thought immediately came to mind how free these little LOVE balloons seemed, and I wondered how far up into the clouds they would drift.

Until one by one each balloon got tangled in the tree branches directly across the street…. I couldn’t help but feel a cynical emotional correlation rise within me as they did.

Each ballon stuck, except for one..

One little balloon seemed to weave it’s way through the tree’s branches, and even though it paused momentarily it kept floating and making it’s way upward. Sitting at the red light, suddenly I found myself rooting for this little silver heart balloon to clear the tree.

And it did. I watched until the light changed, as that silver heart drifted up into the sky. Drifting to places unknown…

As I drove away, I could hear those familiar voices in my head forming the words that would become this blog.

It can be really easy to get caught up in LOVE.

Caught up in fears, caught up in past experiences, caught up in regrets, caught up in what others think, caught up in doubts, caught up in vulnerability, caught up in desperation, caught up in judgment, caught up in desire, caught up in hope, caught up in wanting something to change.

Caught up in the bullshit that becomes our obstacles, tree branches that confine you rather than letting you grow. Tree branches that can make you cynical about love, relationships, and even life. Tree branches that can make you forget how free you really are!

I realized the essence of me at that stoplight smiled and joyfully rooted for that little silver heart balloon to untangle itself and float free. That part of me KNEW that it would. The Universe complied and showed me that knowing. It’s a knowing of my own freedom. There is a fearlessness within such knowing.

I also realized the very human side of me, the side of me who has fears, who has experienced let downs, rejection, failed relationships, sadness, judgment… this side of me noticed that cynical ping arise as I watched and chuckled under my breath as the balloons one by one got stuck.
What becomes most apparent for me is what I took away from 2 minutes at a red light.

I felt a sense of freedom. I felt yet another layer of my cynical side release as I recognized and accepted it’s existence. I felt another side of knowing within me grow.

Who knew 1/2 dozen silver heart balloons in the sky would trigger all this? I’ve come to know it’s the small things that become most significant.

Patty Sherry is the founder Arabella LLC, a self empowerment coaching company located in Bergen County, New Jersey. For more information please visit her website www.ShareYourLoveStory.com or join her on Facebook.

…But Can You Really Trust Him or Her?

Posted on February 20, 2012 by Patty Sherry

Without TRUST, no relationship, whether it be friendship, business, or especially love, can flourish. TRUST is essential for any relationship to thrive.

What do you do when you find yourself wondering, “Can I really trust him or her?” What do you do when, seemingly the bond of trust has been broken?

I’ve certainly experienced relationships where I have had a bad feeling in my stomach with someone, and their words made warning bells go off for me. I’ve been in relationships where stories did not make sense. I have caught people in all out lies.

Inability to trust HIM or HER is painful, confusing, and it can bring out the emotions of both anger and sadness.

So, let’s get real about TRUST. My approach to it is brutal, yet gentle.

An important and empowering thing I have learned about TRUST in any of my relationships, is that as inclined as I might be to complain about how he or she lied to me, or blame another because something they did or did not do has “broken” my trust, at some point the blaming and complaining simply has to stop.

Yes, STOP bitching that you can’t trust him or her!

Ultimately TRUST is not about them! The more I make trust about them, the more I make myself the perpetual victim rather than the chooser I am.

As long as I keep someone on that leash of, “I can’t or don’t trust YOU!” I allow myself to simply NOT own or trust my own choices.

If these words here cause a ping within you, you probably have some issues around TRUST in your life. I’m gentle with this, because trust is such a basic human need, when you feel you’ve “lost it” it doesn’t feel good. I know first hand.

It helps for me however when I can become more aware of my relationship with TRUST.

Do I trust my ability and decision to buy the computer that fits my needs? Do I trust my instincts about hiring the right contractor for the job? Do I trust my own judgment to go out on that date? Do I trust the decisions I’ve made about the people I choose to have in my life?

If I’m still stuck on trust being about them, if I am still complaining to friends about THEM…well then the brutal answer to my own question would be NO! I don’t trust my own decisions.

Ultimately I am the one who decides to make the purchase, go on the date, or be in the relationship. If I am not happy I can always decide to choose something else. Making choices in my life requires me to trust me.

If however, I make TRUST all about them and not about my own abilities to distinguish a persons character and intentions, I will forever be hesitant, not to mention stressing, about making that purchase, doing any kind of business, going on that date, or opening myself in my relationships.

I will forever be the blamer and the victim.

And I don’t want to give my own power up. I’m not satisfied living my life that way, and more importantly I don’t have to.

Neither do you.

You simply need some willingness to look in the mirror, and a bit of brutal gentleness with yourself. All it takes is an honest assessment of where you are in your life with regards to trust. From this place you can own your choices, and definitely move forward more freely.

Valentines Day: The Morning After

Posted on February 15, 2012 by Patty Sherry

Its the day after the biggest day that is devoted to LOVE of the year.

How was it for you, and how are you today? Valentines Day, if you chose it to be so, can be one of the biggest days of SELF reflection:

Did you feel a ping because you weren’t in the kind of relationship you wanted or any relationship at all?

Did your man say the right words, do the right thing, enough, anything at all? Did you find yourself judging him, or comparing?

Did you find yourself feeling like nothing you did was right or enough?
Did you feel the energy of LOVE and connection? Did you feel nothing at all?

Valentines Day: love it or hate it. Or perhaps something in between? I believe in shades of grey, not just black or white.

I’m not ga-ga over Valentines Day, but I’m not bah-humbug about it either. I will admit that I have felt some of the pings though.

I am and probably always will be a romantic at heart. Some call me an open book; emotions bared across my sleeve. Vulnerable. It’s been a process, but I am easing into the comfort of this assesment. I’m easing into my own vulnerability. I don’t feel this to be a detriment, I feel it my strength. I’m more aware.

I found an old journal entry I had written a year ago, Feb 14, 2011, sparked by the energy of Valentines Day.

At the time I was sad and hurting; not in the kind of relationship that I wanted to be. Life seemed to be imploding and I felt pretty much alone in it. Valentines Day magnified it all. Home alone that night, I allowed and accepted these feelings to surface. I allowed and accepted the tears and anger that came with them. It’s how I process and move forward to open myself.

After I did this, here is an excerpt of what flowed in my journal one year ago….

Do you feel your own worth. Do you feel how loved you are? Do you feel how beautiful and desired you are? Yes, someone like you doesn’t come along very often. Can you feel the excitement in your belly. Something is changing…..you are changing and there is a new air of excitement in the wind.

Yes, that excitement that you have been craving. That love you have been craving, that personal and intimate connection that yes….you have wanted to feel. It is all happening. At least you are opening more and more for it. Allow this wonderful stuff in. You are about to be happier than you have ever known.

I’ve come to know this type of writing to myself as my natural state. It’s a state I am in when all my crap does not get in the way. It’s the part of me that knows all is well. It’s the part of me that knows I’m ok. It’s the part of me that does not judge.
It comes out when I clear the crap. I’m sharing it with you because Valentines Day is the perfect opportunity for you to bring more awareness to yourself, to let the crap surface, and to clear it.

It’s so easy to make Valentines Day all about the love someone else is giving you or NOT giving you. I’m pretty sure that is why so many of us can get turned off by Valentines Day, because it becomes a way to judge and compare others rather than a day to feel love and connection.

But it doesn’t have to be. If it triggers something within you, let it. Learn from it. Open from it. Grow. Change. I’m comfortable enough with my own vulnerability to share it. Valentines Day is simply a mirror for where I am. It shows me what I am willing to give or not give to myself. How loved am I? I am loved as much as I am willing to love myself.

So are you.

Happy post Valentines Day.

Patty Sherry is the owner of Arabella LLC, a self empowerment coaching company whose focus is to help people improve relationships and deal with life issues. Please join her on FB or visit her website www.ShareYourLoveStory.com for more info.