The Power of Attraction

Posted on March 27, 2012 by Patty Sherry

The Power of Attraction can leave you feeling pretty powerless at times.

My introduction to the concept of attraction however, did leave me with a certain feeling excitement and great power in the beginning.

“I’m going to attract all kinds of good stuff!”

The belief that we “attract” people or situations into our lives has some limitations though. It can leave you wide open for judgment.

Especially when it comes to love relationships, and especially with some of the bad stuff.

For example, when you have a cheating spouse. When that first date is a dating nightmare. When you just can’t stop arguing with your significant other. When that perfect someone for you is not in your life yet.

“I must really be doing something wrong if I am attracting this crap into my life!” …. or life would be better!”

It’s pretty natural to go here if you believe in the concept of attraction.

And I’ve been on the soapbox about “negative thinking” too. I subscribed for a while to the belief that “bad thoughts bring bad things into your life”

But no one is happy and positive 24-7. I know I’m not.

Therefore, I’ve learned to adjust my belief system a bit.

First, I’ve eased up with myself about negative thinking. I let go of the belief that I have to push away, control, or ignore negative thoughts. I face my emotions when they surface, I own them, I accept them.

The power of acceptance, rather than avoidance, is strong.

Second, I choose to step beyond attraction. I choose to view the people or situations around me as a reflection; a reflection of my choices and of myself.

I admit that to view the people around me as a reflection of myself or my choices is not something I always find easy or something I want to do. But as far as relationships are concerned, I do believe that staying in a relationship that is less than satisfying or that makes me unhappy is a choice.

Reflection is also something I have had to learn and practice. I’ve had to be both brutal and gentle about it. Brutal by forcing myself to bring it back to me and not outward; gentle by not judging myself for it.

When that special someone was no where to be found in my life, it was easy to fall between, “What the hell am I doing wrong?” and “Everyone sucks out there!” Neither one of these beliefs works well when it comes to relationships.

Reflection is also something that doesn’t always comes naturally, especially when someone around me REALLY bothers me or triggers some emotion in me.

For me many of my old arguments triggered a feeling within me of not being appreciated, or not meaning enough to the other person to be listened to. My natural reaction was to blame them. Blaming, I have learned is futile. Dealing with the root emotion of not being appreciated has been productive though.

When I suggest to people that if something about someone else triggers an emotion in them in some way, that it is something within THEMSELVES, or its something about their choices that they should look at, some people outright reject the concept!

It’s painful to look in that mirror! It can be difficult to own your choices.

But I am not here to “prove” that you need to adopt anything into your life. I’m here to share what works for me, what’s been most empowering, and what has helped me make the most changes in my life.

You can’t realize how profound the concept of reflection can be until you apply it…and you keep applying it.

It stops my ability to point fingers at others. It forces me to look at my choices. It’s given me the most ease in my relationships because it’s helped me rely less on what others must do. It brings me back to the very source of my own power….ME.

I am a chooser!

I always have the power to make new choices and to deal with the consequences of my choices. I have the power to choose who is in my life and who isn’t. I have the power to change my beliefs if needed. I have the power to heal my wounds or insecurites. I have the power to release ideas that don’t work in my life.

Life is all about the choices you make and the way that you feel about them in any moment.

How do you feel today?……

Patty Sherry owns a Personal Development company in Bergen County, New Jersey, and offers private sessions and group workshops that focus on improving relationships, self love, and self empowerment. For more information visit her website www.ShareYourLoveStory.com or join her on Facebook.

Understanding the Mirrors in Your Life by How To Raise Your Vibration (magneticwind.com)
Reclaiming Your Power – Lifestyle: How to live the life you imagined (hofholistichealingcenters.com)

Quick Weight Loss: Stop Expecting Them To Change

Posted on March 20, 2012 by Patty Sherry

If you want to feel a heavy weight disappear from your shoulders and lift from your heart, stop expecting THEM to change.

THEY can be anyone in your life.

I believe many of us have at least ONE person, who if they just would or would not do this or that, then we would feel much better. There is usually at least one person who regularly gets under your skin.

…”and wouldn’t life be nice if they would just start or stop doing ______?”

I’ve placed people in such a spotlight. And waited.

Hopeful expectation followed by sad disappointment, then anger, is what usually resulted. Yet this did not stop me from expecting, waiting, and wanting THEM to change.

When the tables are turned around, and someone else expects, wants, NEEDS, me to change I don’t like it. I resist. “Why can’t they accept me as I am?”

Here is the hypocrisy many of us live: wanting acceptance for ourselves, yet expecting and needing others to change.

My awareness of this has been freeing for me. Weeding out my own hypocrisy brings me one step closer toward a feeling of ease.

It’s not enough to “know” that it’s futile to try to change someone. Many of us logically know this, and yet, despite knowing it’s a waste of time….do you ever still hope, expect, want THEM to change?

My honest answer is of course I have!

The answer is to go beyond “ logical knowing” and start applying the release of my need for them to change. What my mind understands, my body and heart
( emotions) simply need to catch up to. It’s a matter of feeling and being.

Therefore, the applying starts every time I remind myself to let go, and I talk to my body. I tell it to let go of that ping in the stomach that I can feel when I am stuck in wanting THEM to change. There is a physicalness to ‘letting go”

The application begins each time I recognize and own that surge of anger or disappointment I feel when THEY still do or say the things I wish they wouldn’t. The application begins with me looking inward rather than pointing my finger outward.

As I have applied this to people in my life I’ve discoverd that I can also let go of the need to be right or prove my point. Not needing to be right, especially when you are dealing with someone else who does, will feel like the heaviest weight being lifted from your shoulders. It’s true freedom and ease.

It’s a work in progress for me, it is an awareness and approach that I practice daily.

Unless I want to get stuck and caught up in needing someone else to do something to make me happy…. and I don’t want to be in such a place.

My mother used to say, “It takes two to tango.”

She was right.

I am fully aware that I am doing a dance when I choose to engage with someone about change. There IS a certain sadness within me when I have hit that point of recognition: “They are who they are, and they won’t change.” But I realize that this sadness is simply the little bit of leftover wishing they would. It’s also the sadness of an ending, like a funeral.

As I step beyond the sadness and step more fully into the recognition, it is here that I feel the difference in my mind, heart, and my body. I feel a sense of positiveness and peace. I feel ease. I feel empowered. I feel open to more joy and new experiences.

And this is a place I enjoy being in.

Whatever you resist!!!! (loveinvestigator.wordpress.com)

We Teach Others How To Treat Us

Posted on March 12, 2012 by Patty Sherry

Are You Saying Yes, When You Really Mean No?

“It’s better to give than it is to receive.” Are givers nicer, more caring, more accepted people?? This certainly is the perception if you compare how we as a society view the “takers” of this world.

Takers are uncaring and selfish…

Therefore many of us, (especially females) choose to be givers. We are nurturers by nature, so we give…and give. We give at work, we give to our families, and we give to our significant others.

I’m not here to say that “giving” is a bad thing or that you should stop doing it. I am a giver!

I’m not here to talk about the kind of giving that brings you pure joy either. If joy is part of the equation, then you probably don’t feel bad about that giving.

The “giving” I am here to talk about is the feeling you have when you are on empty. It’s about the kind of giving you do despite the fact that your own needs are not being met. It’s the giving you do with resentment and attachments. It’s the giving you do out of guilt or fear.

I’m here to talk about those times you say, “Yes.” when you really mean “No!”

This post goes out to those of you whose obligations are piling up, and you’re feeling overwhelmed and in sacrifice. This post goes out to those of you who are unhappy with the lack of “balance” and satisfaction in your relationships.

If this type of giving seems familiar to you, you can ask yourself these questions…

“Am I working late at work, above and beyond what my job requires yet another night because I need to prove myself or I am afraid that people will judge me for not doing so?

“Am I taking on yet another cookie baking, fund raiser, or school function because I fear being judged badly by freinds and family if I don’t? Am I doing it to “keep up” with the neighbors?

“Do I really accept what I feel I want and deserve from my partner, or do I constantly compromise?”

I’ve had to take some honest assesments about “giving” in my own life. I realized that “receiving” was uncomfortable for me, and in a way I had attached a certain weakness to it. I did not like being dependent on anyone.

I also believed that giving somehow made me a better and nicer person.

I attach “giving” as a way I show my love. So in my relationships I give my encouragement, my affection, my understanding, and my respect to the other. Sometimes however, my giving was unbalanced. I didn’t receive many of these things in return; things I wanted for myself.

I equate this behaviour with a willingness to accept crumbs from others when you are hungry for a loaf of bread.

Why the hell would I do this, accept less than I feel I want or deserve? Fear is my obvious answer. So I took a good look at what it was I was afraid of in life….

Fear of being alone ~ People often stay in unhappy, unhealthy relationships for this underlying reason. You stay until you are ready to give something better to yourself.

Fear of judgement ~ it doesn’t feel good when people don’t think you are that great person!

Accepting this fear exists and saying it out loud has made all the difference for me. It’s helped to make changes in myself. It’s helped me to be more open and to allow more things in. It’s helped me to draw boundaries with people. I’m still a giver, but I am an equal receiver…. and I like it!

I now see that facing and accepting ANY fear you have can make a difference in life. Whether you are afraid of NOT having that relationship, being thought a slacker at work, or you are afraid of being judged as not a good parent/daughter/son/ sibling.

We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. It is not THEIR fault.

If my significant partner expects me to be there without feeling the need to be there for me in the same ways, it is me who has taught them this.

If my co-workers expect me to work through lunch, dinner, and through weekends without care for my own physical and emotional needs, it is me who has not drawn that line.

If I continually offer my help with that next fundraiser despite my own needs for rest and relaxation, it is me who teaches people that I will.

It is ME who must be willing to give to myself before I can expect others to do so. It has been so freeing for me to see life in this way. Making changes in myself is much more productive than blaming others and waiting for them to change.

We all know that waiting for others to change so that we can be happy….can be a long, long…wait.

I prefer to take matters into my own hands.

Patty Sherry is an inspirational speaker and the founder of Arabella LLC, a Personal Development company located in Bergen County, New Jersey. She offers private sessions and workshops about improving relationships, self empowerment, and personal growth. For more information join her on Facebook or visit her website: www.ShareYourLoveStory.com