April | 2012 | Share Your Love Story

Life will tug at you, inner voices will whisper loudly…”Is this all there is?” You will feel a desire growing within you, wanting to experience something more. For me what once felt “safe and comfortable” increasingly felt limiting and uncomfortable. And so I knew, it was time.

Time to leave my comfort zone!

And the minute I begin to imagine stepping out of that safety zone, I feel the ping in my stomach. It is a ping of both excitement and fear. Excitement for what is yet to come, fear over it too.

Because just beyond the comfort zone lies the unknown zone. The unknown although inviting, is scary. I wrote a poem about it back in 2008; me standing at the edge of a cliff… click here to read it.

Here I am revisiting it again in 2012. I step out of my comfort.

I’ve come to know that life is a series of cliffs; a series of moments where you are faced with decisions to step out of your comfort zone or remain unchanged in what seems safe or familiar.

Smaller decisions: such as eating in a restaurant alone, speaking in front of a group, or taking up a new hobby. Larger decisions: such as beginning or ending a relationship, or quitting or starting a new job. Change no matter how big or small can feel uncomfortable.

So do I jump? Step out of that comfort zone? Would you?

In order for me to change, expand, live something new and different than I have been living, I have no choice but to jump.

As I find myself once again in the ‘Unknown Zone” I realize that it’s necessary to quickly make friends with my vulnerability. Vulnerability and the unknown go hand in hand, and if I don’t embrace my vulnerable side, and I choose rather to fight it, I will suffer by dragging out the process of that change I so desire.

I can only take a deep breath, and give my vulnerability a hug. Somehow find a way to relax into the uneasiness.

Last summer, for example, I felt uncomfortable dining alone in Little Italy. Watching and listening to the tables around me, I felt self conscious eating my meal, especially because everyone was involved in happy table chatter! As I ate my meal I had no one but myself to tell how delicious it was. It felt slightly weird not to have a dinner companion in this fine Italian restaurant. But there I was, being served an enormous salad appetizer.

I relaxed into the uneasiness of dining alone, and soon my tiny personal line that I allowed myself to cross felt much better to me. I was completely involved in the experience of the food: appetizer, main course, dessert, and what I once considered uncomfortable felt new and enjoyable.

This was a small cliff I jumped from, yet it was freeing.

I have a larger one in front of me now. As I stand at the edge I do my best not to look down or worry about the fall. The side of me who feels safer in the familiar would like to keep vulnerability at bay. But the side of me who seeks change already knows that is impossible. This voice loudly whispers, “Jump!” So I do.

It’s not the first time, and I know it certainly won’t be the last.

Stepping out of the comfort zone, into the unknown zone…..it’s what makes life ever expanding and exciting.

10 Ways to Expand Your Child’s Comfort Zone (52brandnew.com)
Entrepreneurs Never Leave Their Comfort Zone (rightways.wordpress.com)
Your Comfort Zone (anempowerednewyou.wordpress.com)

I read that the odds of finding a 4-leaf clover is estimated at 10,000 to 1.

This morning during my morning walk I found 2! I did not spend hours looking for them; I spotted them easily and quickly, 4-leaf clovers have become something I look forward to and expect to find.

I don’t buy into the belief in odds, or at least I am trying to become more aware when I slip into such beliefs and I do my best to get myself out of them.

Yet, we are bombarded with the talk about “odds” Statistics, that when you look at them, they often prove to be true.

50% of all marriages fail! 50% of all new businesses dont succeed! 1in 4 people……(fill in the blank!)

Odds are mathmatical statistics we often use to perpetuate the story that life is hard and is filled with failures and scary things. They are the statistics we use to kill our dreams.

How often have you relied on these mathmatical probabilites to tell your own story?

How often have you said…. “Numbers don’t lie!” or “The chances of doing that are slim to none!” How often have you then based your actions on these statements? What are the odds?

Life becomes very limited and guarded when you live it based on what the odds are.

For example, look at all the odds and statistics we use to perpetuate the idea that life is hard.

Perhaps you go to school and study a career in a subject not that you love, but where statistics say the best odds of getting a lucrative salary are. Or maybe you dream of starting your own business and being your own boss, but the odds of a new business being successful are against you, so why bother?

I see so many people at a stage in life where they hear the loud whispers of “What if?” I see people abandon dreams out of FEAR. I don’t want to live my life that way.

The reality is, if you believe life is hard, and you continue to back up this belief with odds and statistics, and you take action based on this, then it will never be anything but true for you: life will be hard.

What are you perpetuating?

Let’s talk about relationships:

Love is complicated. What are the odds of meeting that special someone? 50% of relationships fail. 1 in how many people cheat? This doesn’t seem very promising?

Yet, these are the facts, this is the data we observe, we calculate, and we use to perpetuate the reality of our relationships. It becomes more than just a belief about love, it becomes our expectations.

Expectations are powerful.

Remember, I expect to find four leaf clovers.

What you expect to see and experience with others, whether that be good or bad, you will see and experience. Your choices usually will coincide with these beliefs.

One of the most important lessons I have learned is for me to become aware of my beliefs and expectations. Especially my beliefs and expectations about life and love.

Living boxed in by odds and stories that perpetuate difficulty has not helped me. Expecting a current relationship or future relationship to be crappy because of bad odds, or because I was hurt in a past one doesn’t help me either.
What if life really were easy? What if love really was simple? I say, “Why the hell can’t it be?”

What would it take to perpetuate this? Perhaps nothing more than a little bit less of perpetuating the opposite…

I’ve heard people talk of beating the odds, or fighting the odds. But, I am not really interested in fighting or beating what I don’t want. I’m much more interested in accepting, and then allowing in what I do want.

My acceptance begins with my own awareness that I might just be resonating with a belief, “an odd” that does not serve me. My acceptance begins with the awareness of a FEAR that must be there within me that keeps me perpetuating an old story that I no longer want to live.

From here, it is no more than opening my mind and heart to the allowance of new possibilities.

Life is easy. Love is simple.

Patty Sherry is the owner of Arabella LLC, a personal development company whose mission is to help people deal with life issues and improve their relationships. Patty is a motivational speaker and offers workshops and private sessions. For more information please visit her website www.ShareYourLoveStory.com