I’m scared about a lot of things; the economy, health insurance, the state of the world, the future, and even my now.
At 47, it is scary to have started a business all on my own, I see my savings and nest egg dwindle. “What if I can’t build another nest egg?” This thought seeps into my head. How can I make all of this work?
In this moment I’m not completely sure how…
It’s also scary to make myself and my vulnerability so public through my writing. What if people don’t like it, don’t connect, or they judge me? There is always that twinge of fear when I hit the publish button. Yet, to write is so natural to me, it’s as natural as I breathe.
The work I do feels this same way. To help people connect with more of themselves is work that gives my life meaning, it’s work that I love. To love the work that I do has always been important to me. It’s not something I want to,or I’m ready to walk away from.
Neither is writing that book I have always wanted to read. I’m not willing to let FEAR stop me.
As a result, I’ve decided to friend request my FEAR.
I’ll allow FEAR access to my wall, and access to me. I’ll interact with my FEAR, and I will acknowledge its presence in my life. FEAR can be part of my status update. FEAR will be my friend.
If I am proactive about my fear rather than avoiding it, or treating it as if it were some stalker waiting for me, this will help me to move forward and do the things that I want to do in life.
Like making my company Arabella a success!
Like writing that book I have always wanted to read!
I know that in small ways, fear and a desire not to face painful emotions has slowed me down. But I am THAT girl who would rather jump into the shit-pool of her painful emotions and swim through them, than to avoid them and sit poolside and get a suntan.
I just need to remind myself of this!
The other day I stood in my backyard and the wind blew stronger than usual. As I stood there on the grass with my hair and dress blowing backwards I closed my eyes, and I remember thinking to myself how I felt slightly odd in that moment. The voice in my head said, “Winds of change, Patty!”
I wasn’t sure what it meant at the time, but now I see the connection to this blog. I must re-activate the friendship with my FEAR. Let go of avoidance.
I made some business phone calls that felt good. Reached out to some old contacts. Some new ideas have already started to flow. I opened old notes from a book I had started in 2009; pages and pages of documents that I left dormant. I can feel something new opened. This is a start.
The most significant thing is a reconfirmation and a knowing that I am on the right path, scary as that path might be! Friending my FEAR brings it to the forefront, and rather than leaving me paralyzed, I am stronger and more able to move forward.
Step by step.
Are you ready to friend request your fear?
I can tell you that the actual relationship isn’t as scary as you might imagine. In fact, you will find yourself more free!
With Love & Fireworks,