September | 2012 | Share Your Love Story

Today I am doing things a little different here at Share Your Love Story. I’d like to introduce you to the lovely Anne-Sophie Reinhardt, todays guest blogger and author of ”7 Steps To More Self Love.”

Anne-Sophie Reinhardt

We connected here in cyber world, and I am so happy to have her here as my VERY FIRST guest post! I just love her energy and spirit, and I know you will too.

I read the following on her website, and resonate with her message:

I refuse to ever believe that I am not an invaluable addition to this world and I encourage you to do too!

It’s a message I want to share and spread, because how often do we tend to forget how valuable we are?

7 Steps To More Self Love- written by Anne-Sophie Reinhardt

Don’t forget to love yourself. - Soren Kierkegaard

But oh, how often we do.

In fact, most of us never come to the place of self-love at all.

We complain about our bodies, we hate our minds and feel miserable with our entire selves.

We look at magazine covers, compare ourselves to thin girlfriends or colleagues, watch TV and all we see is us being wrong, inadequate and not up to par.

Yet, once we come to a place of radical, intimate self-love, everything changes. We suddenly see our beauty, our worth and our awesomeness. And in that moment, we cannot fathom how blind we’ve been for all those years.

I’ve lived through both of these emotional states in the past decade or so. As I struggled with anorexia, I hated myself from the crown of my head to the tip my toes. I wanted to be anyone but myself and did everything to escape the shell I was born in.

Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work and my starving myself almost ended fatally.

Today, I love myself. I accept my flaws and have turned them into my strengths. I’ve stopped the chase after someone else’s definition of perfection and beauty and I’ve formulated my own. Now, I’m pleasing and fulfilling myself and nobody else.

The cool thing is that everybody can come to this place of self-love and self-awareness. All it takes is commitment, self-compassion and patience. And maybe a tiny bit of belief.

Curious? Here’s how you can get started.

1. Challenge Yourself

Instead of competing with others to match the ridiculous beauty ideal of our times, compete with yourself to be the best version of who you truly are. Shed all the layers of conformity and return to your truest core.

Give yourself a 30-day challenge or so to find your own definition of beauty, happiness and fulfillment. Then take one step a day to move closer to this goal.

2. Date Yourself

Take yourself out for date-nights every week and get to know yourself again. What do you like? What kind of music makes you want to dance and what kind gets under your skin? What kinds of food do you find truly delicious? Which dreams for the future do you have and which adventure would you like to experience?

Treat yourself to a day at a spa and have others pamper you from head to toe. Give in to relaxation and rejuvenation and let your mind wander. Spend time with yourself journaling or simply sitting in a cafe watching the world go by. Learn a new skill or take up the hobby you’ve always wanted to do.

You’ll see how much more intimate and loving your relationship with yourself will get in just a few weeks.

3. Educate Yourself

Find out more about all the tricks the media and beauty industry uses to make us feel horrible about ourselves. You’ll be surprised by what you learn and maybe even slightly shocked. However, this knowledge will empower you and give you the chance to reject advertisements and manipulations. Awareness is the first step to more self-love.

4. Feed Yourself

Nutrition is a super important factor of self-love. By eating the right kinds of food, you’ll feel energized, invigorated, balanced and happy. Try to eat whole, organic and unprocessed foods. Don’t go overboard and deny yourself all the goodies life offers, but be conscious of what goes into your body and what nurtures your mind.

5. Move Yourself

Your body adores movement and needs it. So, give it what it wants and treat it to some form of physical activity every single day. You don’t have to kill yourself with some monstrous exercise program. Find something you enjoy and that makes you want to do it over and over and over again.

6. Prioritize Yourself

It’s all good and well to think of others, but don’t forget to think of yourself. Set clear boundaries and let others know that you’re a priority in your life. This step may take some adjusting, but it’s so rewarding. By learning to say no to others, you’ll create more margin for self-care and self-love. You’ll clear your head and relax. There’s no need to feel guilty. You’re deserving and worthy of love, attention, time and care.

7. Learn From Yourself

Listen to your body’s signals, tune into your intuitive mind and learn from it. Your body is smart, your subconscious is smarter. They know what you need, what scares you, what excites you and what annoys you. Work with them. Mediate or practice mindfulness and be open to new revelations.

Self-love and self-care are not rocket science. You can slowly and gently ease into them and they’ll welcome you like their lost child you are. Start your journey back home today with one tiny step, one little action and you’ll soon arrive.

Anne-Sophie Reinhardt is an anorexia survivor, self-love advocate, body image expert and the founder of aMINDmedia. She empowers you to achieve a healthier and more successful life by returning to your true purpose and values.

Do nice guys/girls finish last?

You consider yourself a great catch; you’re attentive, thoughtful, caring…You treat him like a king, and he doesn’t appreciate you! You treat her like a queen but she walks all over you!

Your relationship is unbalanced when all you do is give, and all they do is take.

Lack of appreciation in the relationship has been the overwhelming theme with many of my callers this week, and it prompted me to post the following status on the Share Your Love Story FB page.

Give Them The Gift Of Your Absence, When They Do Not Appreciate Your Presence.

I could tell from the response that the subject of APPRECIATION hits home for many people and so I want to explore this subject further in this blog and share my own experiences.

When it comes to the subject of appreciation, here is what I have learned:

You teach people how to treat you.
People show each other how much effort they are willing to make. Early in the relationship there are always signs about how much someone is willing to give, both in their words AND with their actions. Many times, however, these signs are ignored.

You make up excuses as to why they are not so available, why they are moody , or why they are aloof to your feelings. You overlook or tolerate the way they treat you. You accept less than you deserve , and over time the person learns that they don’t have to make much effort to keep you in their life. So they simply don’t. Or, they continue on as they have.

On Sept 4th I celebrate my one year anniversary with my boyfriend, Michael. We’ve been good friends before this, but a year ago we decided to take that next step and begin dating. From the very beginning of our relationship he showed me he was willing to give. There was never a pretense, or games, or any holding back. He showed me such openness, caring and love from the very start, and I have reciprocated that openness, caring, and love right back to him. I’m in a satisfying and loving relationship where I feel so very appreciated and I appreciate what I have. Our appreciation of each other is so mutual.

I’ve had past relationships, however, that felt NOTHING like this one.

Yes, I ignored signs. I tolerated behavior that was not nice or very caring. Put up with way less than I ever deserved. Yes, I complained about being unappreciated too.

I’ve also ended relationships only to experience something similar with someone else. It was that general feeling of being taken for granted that fluttered under the surface of my skin. There IS truth to the theory that if you end a relationship with someone, if you don’t address YOUR issues someone else exactly like them will come along to show you the very things you have not addressed within yourself.

So you can kick his or her a** to the curb, but if you don’t address something within yourself, you might want to get ready for the next unsatisfying relationship.

Once upon a time I ran away from my issues, until the day came that I finally chose to not run and ignore, but to look within. In the last several years I have learned so much about myself. Experience and personal growth has taught me that for me to have change around me, I have to change me. I have to change my beliefs, I have to make new choices. I have to take new actions.

To get appreciation from others, you MUST give appreciation to yourself.
The people around you are a reflection of you. If you don’t appreciate you, no one else will.

How did I begin to appreciate myself?

Appreciation of me began with making my happiness a priority. This wasn’t always popular with others when suddenly I became a different Patty, and it made their life a little uncomfortable.

Let go of guilt. Somehow we all feel guilty for putting ourselves and our happiness first. I just had to get over that!

I remind myself that I am damn fabulous. Self pep talks are important. Do it often. Recognize your value.

I remind myself that how others view me is not important, so I let go of the attachment.

“I give to myself as I would give to others”……this is my mantra. With repetition comes learning, and then habit.

I stopped looking for appreciation outside of me, and focused inside. The funny thing is, once I did this, I saw the reflection of appreciation from those around me.

Appreciation oozed; evidence that I had changed.

Which brings me back full circle to Michael and our relationship. He is my new reflection of me. He is a clear mirror of something that I had not fully allowed until now, my own full appreciation.

This is not to say that EVERYONE will appreciate me. This is not to say that EVERYONE who I encounter will be thoughtful, kind, or a joy to be around. This is not to say that some people will change at all. How I react to the world around me is different though, and I am able to make new choices. This brings me back around to my Facebook status on Share Your Love Story:

Give Them The Gift Of Your Absence, When They Do Not Appreciate Your Presence.

The gift of my absence goes beyond the physical, it is the absence of my emotional attachment to their words or actions. There is no running, but a steady walking away from situations or people that do not add joy to my life or appreciate who I am. This absence is so freeing!

For me, this “gift” is therefore truly to myself. It’s a letting go, and yet such a gaining.

Are you ready for some appreciation?

With Love & Fireworks

Patty