October | 2012 | Share Your Love Story

Have you recently ended a relationship? Maybe you’re in the process of beginning a new one? Whatever your relationship status, there may be something within this blog post that you connect with…

When I walked away from a 20+ year relationship four years ago it wasn’t a decision I made rashly. The end of this relationship as it was had evolved over time, and until I was able and ready to admit this, I didn’t take steps to change it.

It was easier to simmer into my daily life, and suppress emotions and my personal desires. It was easier to be be silently angry, to blame, to be sad, and to try as best as I could to find ways to feel better.

But there comes a pivotal moment in your life when you question everything; you question where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to go.

My pivotal moment happened during the summer of 2008.

For the next few months my life no longer simmered, it was a running leap from a cliff, with me in a free fall. Exciting, scary, and filled with new experiences; my life turned inside out and upside down.

With endings come new beginnings, and so it was for me…

A new relationship emerged. I wish I knew then, what I know now, but that’s the beauty of an experience, perfect as it was, because what I have gained over the last four years would not exist had my life evolved any other way. I have not one regret!

I see so clearly how the people you attract, the people you invite into your life, and the people you choose to keep in your life…..are all reflections of YOU at that moment in time. They are like mirrors, offering you insights about yourself. This insight is not a new insight for me, it is a perspective I have learned from various spiritual teachers and a perspective I have talked about before.

What IS NEW for me is that despite the fact that I know the people around me are reflections, it wasn’t until I was able to grasp and fully receive what I needed from them for my own personal growth that this mirror became as clear as it has for me, and this is what I want to share with you. Sometimes when these people are right in your face, and you are emotionally attached, that mirror isn’t so clear.

So what was it that I needed?

It wasn’t love, friendship, companionship, unconditionality, sharing, security, tenderness, or trust. Although at the time if you listened to me talk, all of these were qualities that were so important to me, and I thought they were exactly what I needed.

What I really needed was a new relationship with myself. I recognize this now from my soul perspective.

The new relationship with me has been a continuation of my release of insecurity and doubt in myself, and a re-discovery of my own value. It has been a continuation of my release of guilt and about my ability and willingness to put myself and my needs first.

I have embraced my vulnerability in a way I was NEVER willing to do.

I have also recognized more of my own strength.

It has been about my willingness to dive deeper into fear, speak my truth, set boundaries, and to ultimately show myself more self love.

I did this through my acceptance and integration of all of these pieces of me. I also did this through my choices, including who I chose to interact with, who I chose to keep in my life, who I chose to walk away from, and who I chose to let in.

And during this time as I integrated and began this new relationship with myself, I ended what no longer worked for my greater good; as a result, I saw people enter and leave my life. This is a new reflection of me and for me, as I have new interactions, I pay attention.

I check in with myself about the emotions I feel, the thoughts that I think, and the physical reactions I have to the people who are around me. I see and feel a difference in myself, so changed from the woman I was in the summer of 2008.

I’m more self aware. More aware of others. Powerfully vulnerable. Eager for life. At peace with my choices. I’m happy. I’m grateful. I’m so much more, and less of Patty, and this feels wonderful to me.

All that I have experienced in the last four years has been so perfect, it has empowered me to share this with you with such clear knowing:

The relationships you begin or end can offer you a new relationship with yourself, and when you are ready to have one… you will. You will walk away from people and some will walk away from you. New people will enter your life.

A continual reflection of who you now are in your now moment. A new relationship!

And if you you are not ready for this new relationship, then perhaps there is just something you still need. The people around you are always reflecting….

But either way, it really is all perfect!

With Love and Fireworks,
Patty

How about we dive right into it instead??

Feel the fear. I’m talking about the physicality of fear: that pit in your stomach, heart beating faster, elephant sitting on your chest feeling you get. It’s the rumbling of anger and irritability that rises in you : Head hurts, stomach is in knots, throat tightens, tears fall.

At the core of fear is always your body. Fear is so physical. Yet, it can be so mental too.

How often do we choose to deal with fear with our brilliant minds or our spiritual perspective? We make decisions to get over fear or to let it go. We take courses or read books to help us try to conquer fear. We remind ourselves that fear has served us well, has taught us a higher lesson, or that fear is our friend.

These are all wonderful coping strategies, but very logical.

And I CANT be logical or very spiritual at times. Not when I am smack in the middle of my own FEAR. In those moments ALL of my teachings about fear can blow out of the window. But I can feel it in my BODY…

The other day I was having a conversation about FEAR. One person got very frustrated at the aspect of being in fear, and wanted to know why we can’t just make a decision NOT to be afraid?? Why can’t we rid ourselves of FEAR, and just know all is well…all the time?

“Aren’t we more evolved at this point than to STILL be afraid over the same old stuff?” they said.

I couldn’t help but feel their judgement around fear, and their very strong mind. And I don’t subscribe to thought control, I’m not very good at it, nor do I try to be.

And to answer the question, No, I am not more evolved…and my point is, I don’t need to be. FEAR is as much a part of me as NON FEAR, and I have come to accept and integrate this more and more. I am a polarity.

That conversation sparked a Facebook post.

I talked about the importance of jumping into the shit pool of my own fears, and swimming through them if I wanted change.

Equating FEAR with shit sparked something with a very spiritual and philosophical friend of mine:

She wrote:

“just a thought…if you do want change….how different would it feel if you stopped calling it a shit pool???? come on Patty, you’re smarter than that!!! those fears are there for a reason, they served you well at some point, no doubt. but your done with them. let them go. ♥ love you!”

While I do agree with her that fear has served me well and has been with me for a reason, her perspective is quite spiritual and strong minded, yet I could also feel her slight judgment around me equating fear with shit….“Patty you’re smarter than that…”

My reply was, “Actually I’m not smarter than that, and I don’t need to be.”

I too have judged myself in the past for not being over things, for knowing all I know spiritually and STILL being afraid. I judged myself until I started to focus less on the spiritual and logical perspective of FEAR, and I became more willing to focus on the physical aspect of FEAR. FEAR and my BODY.

Which brings me to my very deliberate Facebook “shit post”.
Shit IS the most literal release of unwanted material from the BODY. What the body no longer needs it physically releases.

It felt so natural to write about swimming in the shit pool as an analogy for facing… and by doing so, releasing unwanted/ no longer needed fears ( I could use the word feces) but words are powerful and to make my point, SHIT just fits.

So imagine you are afraid.

Afraid for tomorrow. Afraid he won’t call. Afraid you’ll never meet that special someone, or you won’t get the job, you can’t pay the bills, afraid it just won’t work out. Afraid you messed it all up. Afraid you can’t fix it. Afraid life is passing you by.

And beyond the obvious things going on in your life, is the fear that down inside, maybe you’re just not good enough!

Now tell me, did you notice a slight drop or twinge in your stomach as you imagined?

From a BODY perspective, FEAR does not feel like a warm snuggly friend, it doesn’t feel good at all! When I am smack in the middle of one of my FEARS my body feels awful…( yep like shit)

But I am not here to judge shit or fear. Both are a natural part of life. To swim with my fears is to give myself permission to physically feel and experience the physical sensations associated with them in my body. When I do this, I can physically start to change.It is not to avoid fear, or try to force myself to let it go. It is to accept it. It can be as simple as me saying out loud. ” I’m afraid!” No judgment in this, no needing to be over this. This tiny statement is my surrender and it becomes my physical shift.

Feel the power in the acknowledgement of actually saying out loud, I’m afraid!

The elephant on my chest lifts. My heart does not hurt. My tears stop. I can breathe again. I feel relief, and ironically a little less afraid.In 2008 I made a conscious decision to dive into FEAR more than I ever had been willing to do before. I wanted change in my life, and I’ve been on a path to understand myself and the world around me a little better. It’s been a life changing journey for me. Not always pretty, not always fun, and ironically I continue to become more fear-less as I do this.

So I continue to Share My Love Story…. which includes my FEARS.