I had never been more sure about anything. It was a calling that felt so natural to follow. When I looked ahead to the future ( and it felt so good to imagine it) there was not one single doubt in my mind about what I would be doing.
Intuitively I just knew. I had no fear of failure, and the path I was on felt like a giant YES! I trusted in just THAT; the resonating feeling within my body.
When there were pebbles in the path I assured myself that they were merely distractions. Still, I held the vision and the dream.
I held on and held on.
Then things started to unfold more slowly and painfully. What once brought me joy began to bring me moments of pain. People around me were uncooperative, and the plan I had for myself wasn’t working. There was no ease.
I didn’t want to admit it because the plan had been one of those plans that I felt down to my bones. It was a feeling as if NOTHING could stop me.
Have you ever been so sure of yourself??
How could I read the stars so wrong?
I can finally answer that.
I didn’t read the stars wrong, I had just refused to look. My reality WAS a reflection, but I was too busy standing on that mirror to see it. I was too focused on the vision.
As I surrendered and let go of EVERYTHING I was so sure of, I found myself smack in the middle of uncertainty, and I must admit this was a scary place. If I wasn’t headed toward the career I was so intuitively sure of, where the hell was I headed??
For a while I had to swim around in fact that I had no clue and this was very uncomfortable. But, I had to stop trying to pound a square peg into a round hole.
As I settled into the “unknown” I began to have glimpses of ideas. At first it was a quiet little thought, maybe I will go back to school? Then I took a step and sent an email to a college for more information. At first it was an idea that popped into my head about a job that I could do now, I had the college credits to be able to substitute teach. Then I was guided to a website that was the perfect website to help me do that.
Looking back now I can see that it was a series of little ideas that came to me, followed by simple steps I took that unfolded with ease.
All of those little ideas and steps have brought me here: to a life that is nothing like I thought it would be.
Three years ago the idea of being a teacher was not on my map. It was not my plan, it was not my vision.
As I was sitting in my first class at Graduate School, the professor walked in and said:
I’m so lucky and happy to be here, you see, I am doing 2 of my dream jobs. My first dream job is teaching young children. My second dream job is being able to teach you how to better teach them.
As she said these words I felt such resonance, such ease, and so at peace. What a beautiful reflection!
My life is nothing how I thought it would be, and yet I have never been more happy.
What this experience of surrender has taught me is that holding the vision has nothing to do with specifics and more to do with being flexible. As right as my vision felt, when things started to go wrong, I ignored what the Universe was showing me. I became rigid, and stuck.
When I let go, I became free. Free to flow with ease. So now I am flowing.
So far, so good. It’s exciting and overwhelming at the same time. It’s scary and fun, but it feels NOTHING like being stuck. It’s moving fast, not dragging along.
And I am enjoying the ride!