Have you recently ended a relationship? Maybe you’re in the process of beginning a new one? Whatever your relationship status, there may be something within this blog post that you connect with…
When I walked away from a 20+ year relationship four years ago it wasn’t a decision I made rashly. The end of this relationship as it was had evolved over time, and until I was able and ready to admit this, I didn’t take steps to change it.
It was easier to simmer into my daily life, and suppress emotions and my personal desires. It was easier to be be silently angry, to blame, to be sad, and to try as best as I could to find ways to feel better.
But there comes a pivotal moment in your life when you question everything; you question where you’ve been, where you are, and where you want to go.
My pivotal moment happened during the summer of 2008.
For the next few months my life no longer simmered, it was a running leap from a cliff, with me in a free fall. Exciting, scary, and filled with new experiences; my life turned inside out and upside down.
With endings come new beginnings, and so it was for me…
A new relationship emerged. I wish I knew then, what I know now, but that’s the beauty of an experience, perfect as it was, because what I have gained over the last four years would not exist had my life evolved any other way. I have not one regret!
I see so clearly how the people you attract, the people you invite into your life, and the people you choose to keep in your life…..are all reflections of YOU at that moment in time. They are like mirrors, offering you insights about yourself. This insight is not a new insight for me, it is a perspective I have learned from various spiritual teachers and a perspective I have talked about before.
What IS NEW for me is that despite the fact that I know the people around me are reflections, it wasn’t until I was able to grasp and fully receive what I needed from them for my own personal growth that this mirror became as clear as it has for me, and this is what I want to share with you. Sometimes when these people are right in your face, and you are emotionally attached, that mirror isn’t so clear.
So what was it that I needed?
It wasn’t love, friendship, companionship, unconditionality, sharing, security, tenderness, or trust. Although at the time if you listened to me talk, all of these were qualities that were so important to me, and I thought they were exactly what I needed.
What I really needed was a new relationship with myself. I recognize this now from my soul perspective.
The new relationship with me has been a continuation of my release of insecurity and doubt in myself, and a re-discovery of my own value. It has been a continuation of my release of guilt and about my ability and willingness to put myself and my needs first.
I have embraced my vulnerability in a way I was NEVER willing to do.
I have also recognized more of my own strength.
It has been about my willingness to dive deeper into fear, speak my truth, set boundaries, and to ultimately show myself more self love.
I did this through my acceptance and integration of all of these pieces of me. I also did this through my choices, including who I chose to interact with, who I chose to keep in my life, who I chose to walk away from, and who I chose to let in.
And during this time as I integrated and began this new relationship with myself, I ended what no longer worked for my greater good; as a result, I saw people enter and leave my life. This is a new reflection of me and for me, as I have new interactions, I pay attention.
I check in with myself about the emotions I feel, the thoughts that I think, and the physical reactions I have to the people who are around me. I see and feel a difference in myself, so changed from the woman I was in the summer of 2008.
I’m more self aware. More aware of others. Powerfully vulnerable. Eager for life. At peace with my choices. I’m happy. I’m grateful. I’m so much more, and less of Patty, and this feels wonderful to me.
All that I have experienced in the last four years has been so perfect, it has empowered me to share this with you with such clear knowing:
The relationships you begin or end can offer you a new relationship with yourself, and when you are ready to have one… you will. You will walk away from people and some will walk away from you. New people will enter your life.
A continual reflection of who you now are in your now moment. A new relationship!
And if you you are not ready for this new relationship, then perhaps there is just something you still need. The people around you are always reflecting….
But either way, it really is all perfect!
With Love and Fireworks,